I've already told my family, friends whom I see in my daily life, and colleagues at work. However, I haven't let every one of you know. This morning, I felt need to get on it and tell you from my own mouth to honor each one of you.
Big thanks to those who helped me to get this out of my chest. I'm relieved, sad, faithful, again sad, yet empowered and tenacious in my decision.
Dear Friends,
I will not be returning to teach during the 2014-2015 school year.
I have decided to pursue another passion of mine – dancing. This decision was formed over some years of deliberation. It was one of the toughest decisions I’ve made to date in life. Please know that it is not because I ceased to love teaching. In fact, it is quite opposite. This school year is my 6th year as a classroom teacher, and the more I teach, the more I find this occupation to be one of the most meaningful, rewarding, and paramount jobs in the world. No matter how challenging it can be at times, I simply love being with children. I love being part of their growth day by day, seeing the bright light in their eyes, and being reminded of how precious life is.
Hence, my decision to leave has been a difficult one. I’ve always danced since I could walk. My first paid job was dancing (during my high school years), but I knew that I wanted to work with children more than to dance professionally, so I chose to become a teacher and to continue dancing as a hobby. As you know, I have been seriously studying a classical Indian dance called Odissi. It has been a great journey of 8 years under guidance of my teacher, Sarala Dandekar (of Makawao) who is originally from East Coast and India. I met her here on Maui while we both performed at an event (I danced a Japanese dance, and she did Odissi). When I saw her dancing, my jaw dropped, my heartbeat almost skipped a beat, and my spine melted. It did not take much time for me to start going to her classes.
Although the dance form is technically challenging and requires much patience and practice to improve, my love for this art form has been growing steadily over the years. As many of you know, I went to India last April for a month and studied Odissi with Sarala’s teacher, Guru Jhelum Paranjape, who is an expert in this art form. This one-month visit did not satisfy my desire to be immersed in the art form, but fueled more. In India, I was given an opportunity to perform with Jhelum and her senior students. When I watched her solo piece from the wings of the stage, something profound touched me. It was similar to when I saw Sarala dancing for the first time, and this time, it echoed at an ever deeper place in my soul. I found myself crying. I had a full make up on my face, especially around my eyes, and I still had one more piece to dance. Despite every attempt to hold back the tears, my eyes welled up. I looked straight down keeping my face parallel to the floor, so that tears would drop straight to the floor. At that moment, I realized how much my soul yarns to study this ancient art form.
Since then, the desire has not faded one iota. I’ve had many dialogues with myself. A part of me said, “You barely make a living being a teacher. What do you think you are doing by giving up on a secure income source?” But the other said, “You’re right, but you cannot dance as much as you want as long as you are teaching. You happen to be the only one in your household. You’re free to do whatever you want to do now. Your body is still capable of handling rigorous practice. You can teach again after your body is no longer able to tolerate the strain. If not now, when? When are you going to do it? I just don’t want you to regret on your deathbed that you didn't’ dance when you had the chance.” That was it. The last sentence from myself has found a permanent place in me.
So, I am going to dance. I will be taking a leap of faith. I will go to India to study for several months. I've saved some money. While I am still here on Maui as well as when I return form India, I will be substituting, translating/interpreting, teaching computer lessons, and doing anything to make ends meet.
I will always dance with children in my heart - with a prayer that we could make a world where children laugh from their hearts and feel wholesomely safe.
As I am writing this, I can already feel a deep sorrow in my heart for leaving my classroom full of bell-like laughter, mischievous smiles, and light-filled eyes. I will miss playing dodgeball with them and chasing each other in a chain tag. I will miss reading stories with them, contemplating math questions together, exploring and discussing about the world around us and far. I will miss hearing, "Teacher, my sandal broke," "Miss Akari, my tooth came out," and "Miss Ueoka, I love you." As I am writing this, the computer screen is looking all blurry because my eyes are welling up. This time, I will just wipe them. If I hold my face parallel to the floor again, the tears would drop to the keyboard, which is not a good idea!
Yet, I am going to follow my dream - with a hope that they would also follow theirs. Thank you for always supporting me and being there for me. I would like to end this letter by quoting my parents since it encapsulates how I feel about you. At my Odissi debut ceremony held in April 2012, my parents thanked the audience by saying, "We've raised Akari until she was 18 years old. After that, you and Maui raised Akari. She is here because of you. Thank you."
Yes, I wouldn't be here without you.
With Much Gratitude and Truly Yours,
Akari Ueoka
No comments:
Post a Comment