EN - Try

"You are fine just the way you are"

was what Maui whispered to me on top of Haleakala when I was 17 years old. 

During my high school years, I struggled with eating disorders - both anorexia and bulimia nervosa (in that order). I'll write about the experience at another time.

When I heard the mighty whisper, I crumbled down in tears feeling finally welcomed home into my own self. For the first time in a long time, I felt love for myself. Since that day, I've never dealt with the eating disorders ever again.

I happen to come across this music video of Colbie Calliat's "Try." I enjoyed its message.
I hope that each one of us remembers how beautiful we are already...

Now, I'd like to talk a bit about trying.
I like to try.
I like to try new things to find another aspect of this life.

But I hope that I am doing so not to impress others or to gain their approval.
I try to remember asking myself, "Are you doing this because you simply love it?"

I started to swim once a week a month ago. I swim about 3200 yards in a little over an hour. I used to swim seriously in my elementary school years, so it fondly reminds me of the time as well as how much I simply love being in water.

I decided to swim again not to get a better shape but to build more stamina for dancing. When my lungs run out of oxygen, when my heart beats like a rabbit running away from a predator, and when I feel really hot even though I am in water, I want to slow down, but I push myself and tell myself, "Don't slow down. Keep going. You can do it." It feels amazing when I accomplish the goal I set for myself.

I also remind myself of a prayer I made up, "Oh, God, please help me build my stamina, so that I can dance without fatigue, so that I continue to carry out the focused energy, which may touch the sacred place in people." Then I regain my strength.

I think that "trying" is fine as long as the motive is coming from an already self-accepted place. If not, I'd like to say this loud and clear that you have all the permission in the whole world to... Stop. Now. And just be.

And please remember I love you already just the way you are.